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For him, fucking me is something dirty; it requires a gift as an apology. It’s not his fault. But I feel now defiled; not by his stealthy little fuck in the morning but by his feeling guilty, by his conviction that sex is dirty and that I am unclean, soiled by sex and soiling him.”Helen told me the above only late in the year, with our parting drawing day by day closer. I was sorry that our so wonderful, sexually so fulfilled and rewarding affair would end. I was relieved that Erika had suspected nothing. I also believed that my affair with Helen had not changed our marital relationship for the worse. I had no wish to confess my trespass and inflict hurt.However, listening to Helen’s description of her marriage made me feel very uneasy about its future.At first, I had not taken Helen’s claim that Rilke’s Der Panther and my reading and suggestive interpretation had led her into our affair as fully serious. I had tried to explain in class, in general terms, how Rilke’s poetry. At this point I am pretty sure she has no feelings for me. She was just finding it cute that someone 5 years younger than her is obsessing with her. .Soon after this conversation, just before walking away from my table, she did something very strange. She probably wanted to give me some sort of reward or pleasure or whatever, but she gently bent over the table to pick up some books from the drawers.I couldn't control myself and looked down to find a nice view of her ripe firm breasts nicely held in their place by a white lacy bra. She was looking up to see if I am looking and gave me that naughty smile again. Then she stood up slowly, but she purposefully brushed her entire chest area to my chest while getting up. The feeling of those beautiful balls slightly touching my young body was one of the finest feelings in my life.How I controlled myself from grabbing those boobs, god only knows. But the moment those boobs touched my chest, I noticed that her expression changed.Her face.
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